I will never own a dog

I love dogs, but I’ve never owned one and I probably never will.

Their cute and cuddly, but I couldn’t see myself walking a dog daily. I’m not interested in scheduling my life around a dog’s behaviour. I’m certainly not interested in following a dog along a grassy path, only to end up picking up its poop with a bag wrapped around my hand.

In fact, a famous comedian once said that if aliens from another planet arrived on earth, and saw a dog owner following his dog around with a plastic bag, the alien might wonder who was really in charge.

I love cats. Cats are cool. Cats don’t take a lot of work. Cats aren’t needy. You can go away for a weekend and leave your cat at home with a bowl of food and water.

Not dogs. Dogs are needy. Dogs require constant care. If you went away for a weekend and left your dog alone at home, it would bark and poop all over the floor and eat all your good, expensive leather shoes.

But dogs are better companions. Dogs are loyal and your best friend. They love to fetch stuff and just hang out and are so excited to see you when you get home.

Not cats. Cats have their own agenda. If they want to be loved, it’s on their own terms. You can’t take a cat for a walk. They aren’t always thrilled to see you and their loyalty can be questioned. But they curl up on you, purr and make you feel loved occasionally.

Dog owners are a unique breed. Have you ever been in a room with a whole bunch of dog owners? They talk like their dogs are their children. They use a different voice when they talk about their “cute, widdle doggie”. They talk about their dog’s age, its health record, it’s favourite squeeze toy, how much the “high-end, no cereal added, raw dog food” costs and how money is no object because Benji is part of the family.

They schedule their lives around its bowel movements or lack thereof and get a dog sitter when they go away. And because they work so much, they have to get a dog walker, who cost slightly less than their children’s daycare, but it’s all part of being a good parent…dog owner.

And that’s why I prefer a cat over a dog.

And that’s why I love dogs, but will never own one.

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